I wrote this post on Oct 26, 2011 on my first blog for family, but I never posted it.  I figured it was finally time to post this since it is something that still affects my life daily.  Being a working mom shapes who I am and how I approach life.

Tonight is my last night of maternity leave and it is a bittersweet feeling.

Today we had a trial run of J taking care of L all day himself.  I stayed upstairs and did not interfere, even when I could hear L crying because the bottle was not as good as Mommy.  It was a very hard thing to do, but I had to trust that J would come and get me if he needed me.  Everyone made it through the day intact!  L ate enough, took 2 of his bottles well and fought the other 2, had play time and he took his naps.  For the first time since we got it, L had fun in his bouncy chair!  (Big relief because we got that to help J get some work done during the day)

Now, I am getting ready to go to bed after only seeing L for an hour before it was his bedtime.  It is sad to go from taking care of him for 8+ hours to only seeing him for a couple of hours.  I know that tons of parents do this and I will get used to it but, all of these phrases of encouragement don't make me feel any better.  I still feel like I am abandoning our little guy.

I have many many reasons to go back to work and not many reasons to stay home. I think I would go crazy if I ever stayed home long term.  Unfortunately, all the reasons in the world do not help when I think of how sad L is going to be tomorrow when he does not get tummy time or book reading time with me.  He is going to have to learn a whole new schedule with his Daddy, and that will take some time.

On the other hand, I am looking forward to going back to work and doing more with my day than reading L's sheep book or singing "Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes".  As much as I enjoyed that, I do want to do more with my life than be only a mom.  Which brings me to something that I heard on the BabyCenter forums.  Some women call moms that work full time "part time moms".  I find this extremely offensive!  I am still a full time mom, even though I will be going to work.  The best response I read to this offensive statement was one mother asking if the offender was a "part time wife" because her husband went to work.  I cannot believe that other mothers would think that you stop thinking about your child just because you are at work.  It simply baffles me.

Well, I just wanted to put what I am thinking and feeling out into the nothingness that is the blog-o-sphere.  Yes, I am female so it helps to talk about my feelings.  Time to make my lunch, print a couple of pictures of L for work, pack my work bag, figure out what to wear tomorrow, and go to bed so I can get some sleep before L wakes up to eat.  Good night everyone, tomorrow I will be a working mom.