Slowly, very very slowly I am starting to feel a little less nauseated and a little less exhausted. Of course, as with any pregnancy, a change in symptoms causes an immediate freak out. Luckily (no-so luckily?) some of the other typical symptoms are hanging around: headache, lower back pain, irritability, super sense of smell, etc. So, not much to worry about for any non-hormone fueled brain.
It is amazing how many people are pregnant right now. They are crawling out of the woodwork! I know 2 other people who are due the same month as me; one a coworker and one a family member. It is nice to have some people I am close to commiserate with about all the pregnancy difficulties.
I really don't have any crazy insightful thoughts going through my head right now. More like, How the hell am I going to get all the laundry done? and OMG, I have to explain to L that he is going to be a big brother. J says that everything will work out, but I have a hard (impossible) time just trusting that everything will be fine without some kind of master plan. Step one was getting L into a toddler bed. We got that done with no problems *high five self*! Step two is cleaning out our spare room to turn it into L's big boy room. I will keep you posted, with pictures, on how that goes. Once we actually get started on that project…
Today we got our first look at our little nugget. It was quite a relief to see a heartbeat and to see the little guy/gal squiggle around for a few seconds. Now we can start telling the rest of the family and close friends our exciting news.
The other good thing about going to my OB finally was that she gave me some ideas of things to try for the nausea. First thing is to stop taking my prenatal vitamins and just take folic acid by itself. That should help with the nausea and I just need to keep having blood test to make sure my iron levels are ok. The other suggestion was to take 25 mg of Unisom and 25 mg of Vitamin B6 at the same time (in the evening). That seems to be helping with my evening nausea a lot. Or maybe it just knocks me out so that I sleep through it. Either way, I am less tired at work and better able to function throughout my day. Yay!
Well, the exhaustion is here big time. I find myself so tired and worn down that I cannot even muster the energy to just go about my normal day. This has made me feel like less than an ok mom. I find myself incapable of just "sucking it up" and pushing through. Most days I just want to lay down and cry because I am so tired and yet unable to sleep because I either have a migraine or I am getting up to pee 5-10 times a night (not exaggerating). My work has suffered and I find myself increasingly distracted and unable to focus for any worthwile amount of time. I am constantly forgetting things and making mistakes that leave me in tears. Oh and the morning sickness has started. Well, I guess I should say evening sickness as it hits between 4 and 5 pm every evening.
Other than complaining about how tired I am (and who wants to hear that anyways) I have so many hopes and fears for this new addition to the family. I am so happy that L will have a sibling to be a companion as he grows up and support him when J and I are no longer here. On the other hand, I am terrified of how much work this is going to be and I constantly wonder why I thought this was a good idea. I guess it is the hormones.
I had to break the news to my parents last weekend, much much earlier than I feel comfortable doing. We were spending the weekend with them because my aunt was in town for a visit. J and I decided that it was just too stressful to try and hide it from them as we did last time. I don't feel very happy about sharing the big news, but I guess I am not in a happy state of mind right now anyways.
It feels like I have known about this pregnancy for much more than two weeks. I guess I have lived many months of worry inside my head already. This will just have to be my outlet for all of my throughts, worries, and complaints that I cannot share with everyone. More word-vomit into the blog-o-sphere! That is what it is there for . . . right?
Well, it is official. After months of trying and one big disappointment, L will be getting a sibling. I am cautiously optimistic (trying to keep from being too disappointed again) and I find myself wanting to test over and over again just to prove that everything is still going well. My doctor wants a visit at 6 weeks to confirm and then another at 8 weeks for the ultrasound. Combine that with the monitoring that my endocrinologist wants to do. I doubt work will be letting me take 3 days off in the next month for doctor visits. Yeah, that will be fun to try and explain. So in an effort to keep my job in good standing I will be waiting until 8 weeks for my first OB visit. I think I will go insane with worry by then, BTW. I know that if it isn't meant to be, it won't and nothing will change that, but I don't feel like it is real until I see the evidence on a monitor. 2 pink lines are much to ephemeral to change my life for.
So I have a whole month of driving J insane with my worries. I am getting the tiredness already, and definitely the emotional highs and lows, but if it is anything like L, it won't be too bad. Next weekend I think I will have to tell my parents. We will be spending the weekend with them and it will just be stressful to hide it from them like last time. They are actually observant enough to notice when I am not drinking. Crazy, right?
So, I go into this new adventure, thinking of the joys and frustrations that my friends have experienced with their children. I know my life will be different, but all parents have some things in common. There is some shared worries, lack of sleep, frustration, tears of joy and anger, and laughter that binds us together into a common experience. Until I get my inside view of the nugget, I will have to trust that my worry is just from the hormones. And if I have hormones making me worry, that means there is nothing to worry about. Who doesn't love circular logic?
I will let you in on a little secret. I have a super power. I have a preg-dar (pregnancy radar). For some reason, I can tell when a woman I know is in the early stages of pregnancy. This power only came to be after I had L; it is an acquired super power for sure. I am very thankful that I was not bitten by some radioactive arachnid, although that would be considerably less traumatic than having a baby. I detected a co-worker's pregnancy when she was 6 weeks along, I detected a cousin's pregnancy just a month ago when she was 8 weeks along. The highest level of detection though was my brother-in-law's wife; 1 year ago I detected her pregnancy before she even knew for sure that she was 3 weeks pregnant.
I don't know how I can tell when someone I know is pregnant, there is not one specific thing that sets off the preg-dar. I think I just detect the subtle signals and changed that happen and notice the differece in people that I know well. I have amazed J and my mother in law many times already, so I decided that it was time to tell the world about my wonderful power. Beware friends and family, I can tell when you got a bun in the oven! Another way to think of it: You can save money on a pregnancy test!