Tag Archives: working mom

Stay at Home Mom – Week 5

Now that I have been a SAHM for a whole month now, I wanted to write about my feelings about it. I have R home with me every day, and L still goes to a full day of preschool/daycare 5 days a week. I had both kids home with me last Friday and I was at the end of my rope by 2 pm. I think that it will get better when L is more used to being at home with R and I. He was just very demanding of my attention that whole day, which made it very difficult to take care of R and give her attention too.

Overall, I am enjoying the time that I have at home. I am able to pursue my dream of having a career where I am able to use my creative side, but I am also able to work flexible hours that I dictate. The day-to-day stuff is pretty tedious, but each sale or custom item request I get through my shop makes each day a little different. I am still trying to find the balance between cleaning, working on my shop, playing with the kids, and cooking that works best for our family. I have been spending more time playing than cleaning, but I doubt I will ever regret that! I am glad that I made my shop, it give me something that is mine. Something that is not about being a mom or wife.

Both kids like having me home, that is clear. R is eating good, gaining weight, and has hit a bunch of milestones this past month. L likes having me take him to school and daycare, especially because when I drop him off or pick him up I am not rushing around. I can take the time and have him show me what he did at school that day, I can give him the extra snuggles he asks for (demands) when he is having a rough morning. Our weekends have also become more fun, because now we are not spending the whole time running errands and cleaning house; we can do fun things on the weekend now!

I don’t know how long I will really be able to stay at home. Financially, it is still a big challenge (especially since we just got another hospital bill from R’s birth), but personally I am finding it very fulfilling. I am noticing the lack of adult interaction, but I am hoping to find a group of moms/dads that I can join. If not, I can always start my own group.

Wow, that is quite a rambling stream of consciousness. Oh well, that is what I came to write today, so that is what you get. Proofreading is for suckers. LOL

Stay at Home Mom – Week 1

I have been absent from blogging recently due to some major changes in my life. I recently quit my job and decided to be a stay at home mom for a little bit. Many reasons contributed to my quitting: R not taking a bottle and being up all night, lack of support at work, and feeling like my kids need me more than my job values me are among a few of them.

For the next few months, I will be a SAHM (stay at home mom). I know that there will be an adjustment period for me and the kids, but after that, I hope to be able to decide whether I want to go back to work full-time, part-time, or at all. Right now, I am enjoying being at home with R (L is still going to preschool/daycare for the moment). I am not getting much done around the house, nor have I had much time for blogging, but I feel like R is sleeping better and in a better mood in general with me at home. I know that I am in a better mood too.

To help offset the mental stagnation of being a SAHM, and to hopefully provide some supplemental income, I have started an ETSY shop. I only have a few items listed, but the 2 sales that I have gotten so far have made me giddy with happiness. I would love to be able to make this a part-time gig for me, allowing me to stay home with the kiddos and work on my own schedule. I guess we will see if my designs are popular enough to support that.  Feel free to click the image to the left and check out my shop.  Any constructive feedback on current or future items would be welcome!

It’s all coming back to me now

Yep, slowly but surely the weight is coming back.  Despite my healthy-er eating and a little exercise.  (I cropped out the actual numbers, because I just don't want to share that depressing fact with the world)

Weight chart 07-30-14

Let's be honest, when do I have time to exercise?  Either before the family wakes up or after the kids go to bed.  That leaves me with 4 am or 10 pm.  Really.  I am not exaggerating.  Who wants to wake up that early?  I know I should have done better while on maternity leave, but there always seemed to be something more important to do.  I am trying not to make excuses, but I just keep hitting bumps in the weight loss road that trip me up.  I need to get better at making exercise a priority.

As you can see, I did really good for the first month that R was around, but then it started creeping back upward.  No I am fighting off pneumonia and the cough is making it really hard to do any type of exercise.  So, while I am waiting for my z-pack to work, I am going to mentally psych myself up for some ass-kicking in August.  I have the 4th Trimester Body pictures then and I would like to feel comfortable in my body.  Even if I have only lost a couple of lbs, I think that little bit will make me feel infinitely more positive.

Back to Work Again

I don't even know what to say about being back to work. I am both happy and sad about it. Happy that I am getting things done, getting a paycheck, and having adult interaction. Sad that I am missing R, not getting things done at home, and disconnected from the happenings in the office. I have to assume that every working mom feels similarly to some degree.

The biggest challenge to going back to work is R not taking a bottle. She refused every time we tried the month before going back to work, and now she is refusing at daycare. This means that she is not eating all day long; she is just waiting for me to get home. It is stressing me out. She is already quite stubborn and opinionated in her own quiet way (L is stubborn and opinionated in a much more vocal way).

So, today J is taking R to the pediatrician to get her weight checked. Since she is not eating all day, we need to make sure she is gaining weight at a proper rate still. I do not think I would be as worried if she was reverse cycling and eating more at night, but she is still sleeping good at night. I can't believe that she would be getting all of her needed calories from just eating in the evenings and morning. Well, I guess we will see what the doctor says.

Fingers crossed that she will take a bottle soon. Silver lining: I can freeze all the milk I am pumping during the day (a whopping 7 oz total per day) to use in the future.

6 weeks old

Now that things are starting to calm down at my house, I can pay attention to some of my hobbies again.  Yay!  Hello blog, I have missed you. <3

R is 6 weeks old now and we are adjusting to being a family of 4 pretty well.  L is still mostly ignoring her, but we have had a breathrough with his attitude.  2 weeks ago, he just suddenly turned over a new leaf and started acting like a normal kid again.  It is such a relief to no longer feel like I am talking to a brick wall whenever I ask him to do something.  I know that it will probably come back in the teen years, but I am glad to have my sweet little boy back for a while at least.

It is amazing how much I appreciate how normal of a baby R is.  Compared to the colic and reflux that L had, a normal baby is a piece of cake!  I am glad that she is our second child, because I would not appreciate this nearly as much if she was our first.  She wakes up every 3 hours, has a few gas issues, and doesn't want to nap without me holding her.  All in all, normal newborn stuff.  :)

I am sure that I will have some deep thoughts for post later, but right now I am just trying to enjoy my baby girl as much as possible before I have to go back to work.  Blech, I am not looking forward to that and it is still weeks away.  I am also going to my 6 weeks post partum visit tomorrow so I will be able to get the OK to exercise again.  I am determined to get back into shape before my maternity leave is over.  The next few weeks should give me a chance to jump start my weight loss, which I hope to document on here.  Now if I could only stop craving biscuits and gravy…

Challenge Accepted . . . maybe

Do I think I am more or less likely to complete December 2013 NaBloPoMo?

This is a tough prompt for me to anwser; I think both yes and no.  

Yes, because I feel the need to do something other than work, sleep, and take care of my son.  Notice that cleaning the house is not in that list.  Right now, I feel like I am losing my identity as a person outside of being a working mom.  With this pregnancy, I have become even more focused on just simply getting from one day to the next without any major meltdowns (for me or L).  I think that getting back into writting might be an easy way to give myself something to spend an hour on each night, just for me.

No, because I feel so overwhelmed with just the idea of getting from one day to the next.  Futhermore, I do not have a good track record of completing the NaBloPoMo months.  I am also not doing myself any favors by trying this again during the busiest month of the year.  So yeah, I will be surprised at myself if I manage to complete the month.

Last year I was able to complete the PhotoADay challenge and take a picture roughly every day.  Once the year ended and I became pregnant with #2 my photo taking slipped further and further behind.  I am extremely disappointed in myself for losing that habit after working for a year to make it a habit.  I got some really good pictures (and some really bad ones) from doing that challenge; improving my composition style was the best thing I got out of it.  I am challenging myself to complete this challenge to improve my writting and to give myself an identity outside of working mom.

Full Time Mom

I wrote this post on Oct 26, 2011 on my first blog for family, but I never posted it.  I figured it was finally time to post this since it is something that still affects my life daily.  Being a working mom shapes who I am and how I approach life.

Tonight is my last night of maternity leave and it is a bittersweet feeling.

Today we had a trial run of J taking care of L all day himself.  I stayed upstairs and did not interfere, even when I could hear L crying because the bottle was not as good as Mommy.  It was a very hard thing to do, but I had to trust that J would come and get me if he needed me.  Everyone made it through the day intact!  L ate enough, took 2 of his bottles well and fought the other 2, had play time and he took his naps.  For the first time since we got it, L had fun in his bouncy chair!  (Big relief because we got that to help J get some work done during the day)

Now, I am getting ready to go to bed after only seeing L for an hour before it was his bedtime.  It is sad to go from taking care of him for 8+ hours to only seeing him for a couple of hours.  I know that tons of parents do this and I will get used to it but, all of these phrases of encouragement don't make me feel any better.  I still feel like I am abandoning our little guy.

I have many many reasons to go back to work and not many reasons to stay home. I think I would go crazy if I ever stayed home long term.  Unfortunately, all the reasons in the world do not help when I think of how sad L is going to be tomorrow when he does not get tummy time or book reading time with me.  He is going to have to learn a whole new schedule with his Daddy, and that will take some time.

On the other hand, I am looking forward to going back to work and doing more with my day than reading L's sheep book or singing "Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes".  As much as I enjoyed that, I do want to do more with my life than be only a mom.  Which brings me to something that I heard on the BabyCenter forums.  Some women call moms that work full time "part time moms".  I find this extremely offensive!  I am still a full time mom, even though I will be going to work.  The best response I read to this offensive statement was one mother asking if the offender was a "part time wife" because her husband went to work.  I cannot believe that other mothers would think that you stop thinking about your child just because you are at work.  It simply baffles me.

Well, I just wanted to put what I am thinking and feeling out into the nothingness that is the blog-o-sphere.  Yes, I am female so it helps to talk about my feelings.  Time to make my lunch, print a couple of pictures of L for work, pack my work bag, figure out what to wear tomorrow, and go to bed so I can get some sleep before L wakes up to eat.  Good night everyone, tomorrow I will be a working mom.

A Working Mom

I compare my kid to others. How can I stop?

Being a first time mom and not ever being around children, I can try and make excuses for it.  But as much as I try and stop I just keep doing it.  I keep comparing L to other kids.

As every parent does, I want L to be the best and brightest and most interesting kid.  IMG_20121209_163413Ever.  Realistically, I know that he is the best to his parents and that is about it.  Unfortunately, I keep comparing him to other children his age and he keeps coming up short.  The blame for this is fully in my court in my mind.  I am working, so I don't have the time or energy to spend each day teaching him and discovering the world with him.  I feel like anything that he is not doing yet is because I am not there to support him like a mom should.  Can we say UBER Mommy Guilt over here?

I have read many books about working moms and letting go of the guilt, but none of them seem to help.  Each morning I drive to work, looking forward to seeing L when I get home.  Each evening I come home exhausted to a fussy boy who is ready for bedtime.  Honestly, who can blame him; I am ready for bed too.  Any time that I could be spending time with him on the weekend is taken up by running errands and cleaning house.

I have been worried about L being autistic for the past year; his 18 month appointment is next week and that is where a big developmental analysis is done at our pediatrician's office.  I am so worried and stressed about this whole thing.  Because this appointment is coming up so soon, I find myself comparing L to the other children more and more.  Unfortunately, there are many friends and family that are too close in age to L and too easy to compare to.

Any advice from other moms that have been there?  I try to find things that he does before or better than the other kids to help balance out my negativity, but they seem to fade away in the moments that I need them.  Positive thinking has never been my strong suit.